Feels like someone put a cap in my ass

I'm suffering from bus bum. Apparently its a well known local physical affliction, oft suffered by international tourists in Ny. Symptoms feel like a pain in the rear end and causes you to wince upon being seated. Its caused by all seats in Ny being wood or plastic and having no padding. You want a seat on a bus, you want a seat on a train, its hard plastic. You go out to eat its hardwood chairs. Bars? More of the same. Back to the apartment and its more of the same. The best way to alleviate the discomfort is lie postrate, but that can only occur between the early hours of 1 - 6 am. The condition fully resolves upon returning home, but thats not for a while.